


Nothing but a Drifter

by TasteTheRainbow



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-27
Updated: 2012-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-04 10:11:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TasteTheRainbow/pseuds/TasteTheRainbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be a fun fling while Jared passed through this little town, but leaving Jensen is harder than he thought it would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing but a Drifter

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Christian Kane's _Let Me Go_.

What's not to like about the West Texas desert, really? The dusty two-lane in front of the house he's renting stretches on forever in both directions, the heat visibly rolling over the vanishing point into a sky that feels bigger than everything. Kicked back in the bed of this rusty pickup truck, hat pulled low over his eyes while he nurses his beer after a long morning at the garage, Jared doesn't bother wiping the sweat that rolls in fat drops from the ends of his hair and slinks slowly between his shoulder blades. All in all, he's pretty glad he moved into this one-horse town; it's treated him well.

Lifting the brim of his hat far enough to see the sleek, black monster of an F-250 that purrs into the space beside Jared's truck, he quirks a knowing smile. Jensen kills the engine and slides out of the driver's seat, dressed down in jeans and a thin t-shirt, baseball cap pulled low over his face to shield his delicate skin from the harmful effects of the relentless sun overhead.

“Thought you were workin' today,” Jensen says as he hops into the bed of the truck and steals the beer from Jared's hand.

Jared just leans back and pulls his hat back down, content with the press of Jensen's shoulder against his own. “I am,” he answers, blindly reaching for the bottle until Jensen relinquishes it. Raising it a little, he adds, “Lunch break,” before he tips it to his lips again.

Jensen chuckles at his side, this low, dirty sound that drives Jared a little more crazy than it should. “You should take a vacation. I highly recommend them.”

It's right there on the tip of his tongue, some sarcastic shot about how they can't all have daddies who own oil empires and pay for their five weeks of vacation a year, but Jared swallows it back with another pull from his beer. After nine months, it hardly seems worth pointing out anymore. Jensen already knows it.

Instead, Jared crosses his legs at his ankles and folds his hands over his bare stomach, allowing his eyes to drift shut for a brief moment while he enjoys the burn of the sun-heated metal against his back. He reaches for the cigarette pack he sat next to his beer when he came out here, only to come up empty handed. 

When he pries one eye open, he finds Jensen holding the pack with a smug smile. “These things'll kill you someday.”

Narrowing his eyes, Jared makes a half-assed attempt to grab the pack back when he asks, “When do you leave again?”

“Probably tomorrow, maybe the day after.”

“Figured out where you're goin' yet?”

Jensen mimics Jared's pose, leaning back against the truck's cab with a weighted sigh. “Not sure. I'm open to suggestions. And company.”

It's not the first time Jensen has asked Jared to come along on one of these random road trips. It is, however, the first time Jared has felt the burgeoning bloom of anger in the pit of his stomach because of it.

Pulling himself upright, Jared smacks Jensen's thigh with his hat and then stuffs it back onto his head. “I gotta get back to work.”

“Oh, come on. Tell me you couldn't use a few days off. Just you and me and some seedy motel room with cheap, pay-per-view porn?” He scoots to the edge of the truck bed and angles his head when Jared turns to him. “Clothing optional. C'mon, it'll be fun.”

Fun. Slumming it will be fun for Jensen. He'll get a kick out of pretending he's a blue collar kind of guy for a weekend. He'd never admit it, probably not even to himself, but Jared figures that's what this entire relationship is anyway. The tycoon-in-training is slumming it with the dirty mechanic because it's fun. For now.

He shakes his head, flashes Jensen a smile, and then takes a step forward, between the V of Jensen's thighs. Grabbing Jensen's face in both hands, he whispers, “I really do have to get back to work,” before dropping a quick kiss on Jensen's pitiful pout.

Jensen hooks a finger into Jared's belt loop and pulls him closer. “I'm serious,” he breathes against Jared's neck, his breath too hot and suffocating in the moment.

That's the kicker. Jensen _is_ serious. This entire thing was supposed to be fun, just some hot sex with a hot guy while Jared was kicking around this town for a little while. Somewhere along the way, Jensen started to think of it as a relationship and Jared just kind of let him. He knew better, but he didn't take off when he should have and now things are getting too serious.

“Let me think about it,” he says, pulling away before he can't.

With a satisfied nod, Jensen slips off of the tailgate and presses another kiss to Jared's dry mouth. “Think hard,” he winks, casting another glance of his shoulder before he climbs into his own truck and peels out of the yard, dust flying in all directions behind him.

This place has been good for Jared. The solitude agrees with him and the people have been downright hospitable. If he was going to stay in one place for the rest of his life, this would be as good a place as any. He watched them all, though. Every member of his family dreamed of a better future for themselves, only to return to his hometown and settle for something less in the long run. Jared's not going to be that guy, the one who gets trapped in some inescapable life forever. Comfort zones make him really uncomfortable.

Maybe someday he'll get over that itching feeling that comes with knowing he's been in one place for too long, the overwhelming urge to run when he starts to feel things settling into a routine, but he's not there yet. He likes being the mysterious drifter too much to give it up right now.

He spends the afternoon in the footwell of a Jeep with wiring that just doesn't make any sense. Focusing his attention on random misfirings, modules that click on and off without explanation, and searching for the source of the power drain on this battery, is a blessing; it keeps his mind off of Jensen and this growing feeling of resentment building in Jared's stomach. 

Jensen is a good guy. He's whip-smart and sexy as hell. Loaded. He takes working for his father's company really seriously, but he can afford to relax and have a good time, too. He's well-known in this community, comfortable in that position without coming across as pretentious. He deserves better than a guy like Jared, but he's probably not going to look for it as long as he thinks he has a sure thing at home. 

Sure things have never been Jared's style.

“You about done, man?”

Jared jerks out of his thoughts and turns his attention to his boss, Chris. With a sigh of resignation, he sits up and tosses a greasy rag onto the driver's seat in the Jeep. “Man, I don't know what the fuck. I must have fiddled with a hundred wires and I can't fuckin' find it.”

Chris nods and strolls toward the meter Jared attached to the battery before he started. “Doesn't look like it's drainin' now,” he observes.

With a sigh, Jared pulls himself out of the car and stretches his arms over his head, back cracking with the only movement it's been allowed in over an hour. “Well, I ain't done shit to it.”

“Keep it hooked up overnight. Maybe you jiggled somethin' into place.” He glances at the clock on the wall and then back at Jared. “Go on and get outta here for now. We'll check it in the morning, but we may just be at the point where anything else'll do more harm than good, ya know?”

Jared nods, shaking Chris' hand on his way out to the time clock. 

The words _anything else'll do more harm than good_ drown out the song on the radio during his drive home.

*

Like clockwork, Jensen shows up as Jared is taking the steaks off the grill, when the sun is dipping orange and lazy into the horizon. Wordlessly, he offers up the plate to fill, smile bright and carefree on his lips. 

“Pretty sure you're only using me for my grilling prowess at this point,” Jared teases.

Jensen rakes his eyes purposefully over Jared's shirtless chest. His bottom lip catches between his teeth, but he can't fight another grin when he meets Jared's eye. “You have so many other good qualities, baby.”

Jared laughs at that, watches the way Jensen's ass moves in his jeans as he walks toward the cheap, plastic table on Jared's makeshift patio. They're good jeans. The ass is even better.

Dinner is filled with mundane conversations about the vehicles Jared worked on today and the errands Jensen ran. The companionable silences are filled with the shrill warning sirens in Jared's ears.

He dulls the noise by dragging Jensen into the bedroom as soon as they finish dinner, leaving the dishes on the table. It's easier when they're naked, when there's nothing between them but the heat and sweat and need.

Jensen stretches, body lithe and taut and tan against the white sheets. As if the guy wasn't already hot enough, there's something about watching him unabashedly writhing and begging for Jared's cock that always makes Jared blindingly hard in seconds. Jensen is calm control personified in public – he has a family name to uphold, after all – but behind Jared's closed doors, that facade melts into a puddle of pleading submission. Jared can't be blamed for being slightly inebriated on that kind of power, can he?

Every time Jensen gasps for air, Jared feeds him another finger or stuffs his tongue into Jensen's mouth, determined to make him pass out before they can have another awkward conversation. This part is easier to deal with, mindless. This part is still fun.

Jensen's spine arches, face twisted and still beautiful, when he comes. His keens incomprehensibly, high-pitched and desperate, fingers digging deep, possessive bruises into Jared's ass. If there's a more awesome feeling than taking Jensen apart, stripping him down to his most base and vulnerable state, Jared hasn't found it yet.

Content, Jensen slumps back into the sheets with a soft smile playing in the corners of his kiss-swollen mouth. He catches his bottom lip between his teeth, biting back a groan when Jared pulls out. He opens sleepy eyes to watch Jared collapse at his side.

“You stayin' for awhile?” Jared asks.

“Couldn't leave right now if I wanted to,” Jensen says on a chuckle, rolling onto his side to fling an arm over Jared's stomach. 

When he sighs happily, Jared feels the guilt settling into the pit of his stomach. This deep satisfaction he feels, the accomplishment of knowing that Jensen is too worn out to do much more than sleep, feels crooked, sinking heavy and wrong in his gut. He should have fucked the guy hard enough to shut his own mind off, too, dammit.

Jensen deserves better than a guy who lies beside him, second-guessing everything, after awesome sex. 

He dozes to the sound of Jensen's easy breathing against his cheek and awakes to the sound of the toilet flushing a few hours later. It's only eleven thirty; he should get up and walk Jensen out or something. Letting him creep out while Jared pretended to sleep was okay in the beginning, but they're past that now.

With a heavy sigh, he scrubs a hand over his face and summons the will to move. His muscles throb in protest as he stands, stretching and popping while he finds his balance and gathers his bearings in the darkness.

Jensen is standing at the sink, draining a tall cup of water, when Jared rounds the corner. “Sorry,” he says, turning to smile at Jared around the lip of the glass. “Didn't mean to wake you.”

Shaking his head, Jared considers Jensen for a second without speaking. His hair is rumpled, eyes puffy with interrupted sleep. There are still pillow lines pressed into the stubble on left cheek. He hasn't even bothered buttoning his jeans and his tee shirt is a lump on the counter at his side. 

“Come back to bed,” Jared invites before he can talk himself out of it.

Jensen sets his glass back into the sink. “Nah, it's alright. I know you gotta get up early.”

Maybe he's just reacting to the rejection, or maybe Jared just wants to know what it's like this one time. Whatever the reason, he crosses to Jensen and hooks a finger in his belt loop, dropping his forehead to Jensen's and offering him a small smile. “C'mon.”

With little hesitation, Jensen kisses him and says, “Yeah, okay.”

They've spent a couple of nights together, woken up together a handful of times, since this thing started. One, usually both, of them has a little too much to drink and they pass out in a tangled heap on the living room floor or something. It's never premeditated, never talked about or planned. It's another step toward something Jared has no business offering, a carrot dangled in front of Jensen that will only be ripped away in the end. 

It just feels too good to fall back into peaceful sleep with Jensen's back pressed against his chest and Jared's not strong enough to do the right thing in the middle of the night.

*  
Jared's buried beneath a Toyota that's seen better years when he hears Chris laugh in greeting to someone across the shop.

“Lunch? You shouldn't have.”

He nearly drops the wrench on his face when it's Jensen's voice that responds, “I didn't. Man, get off me.”

“Since when are you scared to get a little dirty, Jenny?” Chris teases.

Jared slides out from under the car and sits up, meeting Jensen's eye just as Jensen tells Chris, “Only one guy I wanna get dirty with these days.”

Both Jared and Chris roll their eyes. Jared makes his way to his feet and grabs the rag from his tool box as Chris makes a gagging noise and punches Jensen's shoulder.

“Hey,” Jared greets when Jensen reaches his station. 

For a brief second, Jensen hesitates and then grins, tight around the edges. “I stopped by the house.”

“Yeah, I didn't know what time you were headin' out, so I figured I'd just work through lunch.” He takes the bag, that heavy guilt sinking like dead weight to his toes. “Thanks.”

Leading the way to the lunch room before the awkward silence between them is noticeable to everyone, Jared drops to the small, round table and pulls a couple of sandwiches from the bag. He slides one to Jensen and wordlessly digs into his own.

“So, I wanted to talk to you about something,” Jensen finally says, dropping into the chair across from Jared. He toys with the corner of his burger but doesn't actually make a move to eat it. “I know you can't take a whole week off, but do you think you could get out of Friday maybe?”

Jared stops chewing, mouth full, as he considers Jensen's hopeful expression. This conversation could go any number of directions; he's not sure he's ready for any of them. Swallowing hard, he reaches for the water bottle Jensen brought him. “Why?”

“I don't know, man. I was thinkin' we could road trip. Just get outta town for a couple days, just us.”

“This because I asked you to stay last night?”

Jensen looks like he's been punched, but he recovers quickly, tossing a napkin at Jared. “No, asshole. It's because I wanna spend some time with you.”

Jared clears his throat and shifts in his seat, leaning forward on his elbows to study his half-eaten lunch. 

“Dude, look at me,” Jensen commands, voice a subtle mixture of amusement and hurt. When Jared does, Jensen leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest. “I'm askin' for three days, not the rest of our lives.”

Jared huffs skeptically. “Yeah, now.”

“The fuck's that supposed to mean?”

This is a not a fight they should be having in the break room, but dammit if Jared can't stop himself from goading Jensen into it anyway. “Oh, come on, Jensen. We both know that you took last night to mean something more than it was supposed to be.”

“You're the one that keeps bringing it up!” Jensen rises to the bait, his voice jumping with his accusation.

“And you're the one who's suddenly changing all your vacation plans to include me.”

“Because you're my boyfriend,” Jensen points out, standing from his seat to pace behind the chair. “Was I glad you asked me to stay last night? Yeah, of course. But don't make it seem like I forced you into it or some shit, Jared. You wanna second guess it or regret it, go ahead, but don't drag me into it. I've been asking you to take this vacation with me for weeks now. You and I both know it has nothing to do with last night.”

Standing abruptly, Jared leaves his half-eaten sandwich on the table and says, “I gotta get back to work.”

Jensen's huff and sarcastic, “Of course you do,” are barely audible as Jared slams through the break room door and stalks into the garage. 

He can feel Chris' eyes on him as he gets back to work on the Toyota, but Jared doesn't acknowledge him. He knows how these things go. Chris has known Jensen his entire life, just like everyone else in this town, and he's going to side with Jensen in all things. It's fine; Jared's used to being the odd man out. That's what happens when you refuse to stay put for more than a few months in any given place. Does it suck sometimes? Sure, but it's part of the gig and one that Jared accepts at this point.

When Jensen doesn't come back into the garage, Jared figures he left through the front door. The guilt rears its head again, growling accusingly at Jared, telling him what he already knows. He can't stay here much longer. Things are only going to continue getting worse.

*  
One of the upsides to being a mysterious drifter is that it doesn't take Jared long to pack. Digital media allowed him to abandon his television and stereo a few years ago, so he stuffs his clothing into a couple of duffle bags and loads his laptop into its case in less than an hour. The two physical, family photos he carries fit inside his wallet. The rest of his memories, the ones of this place, are confined to his phone at this point. He'll delete them when he settles into his new place, wherever that may be.

The landlord isn't going to care if he leaves this month's rent and his key on the kitchen table without warning. The place is cleaner than it was when Jared moved in – ready for the next tenant to slip right into the space Jared is abandoning as though he was never there at all. 

Chris is the only wild card. Giving him notice feels like firing a flare in Jensen's direction, so Jared decides against it. He'll be two states over by morning anyway. Even Chris' explosive temper can't reach that far.

If he's honest, Jared expected Jensen to be waiting at the house when he got off work this afternoon. The fact that he wasn't here only solidified Jared's resolve. Hopefully, Jensen is on his way to a relaxing vacation, giving himself some time to unwind and realize that his life is easier when Jared's not tightening like a noose around his carefree neck. 

His sister would say that escaping town under a cloak of darkness is the coward's way out but, like the rest of his family, she's never taken a risk in her life. Slithering in and out, leaving nothing behind but an errant memory here and there, is beyond her. It's not something most people understand.

One last pit stop and Jared will hit the road. Jensen will call when he realizes Jared is gone, but Jared's number will be changed by then. A clean break is better for him in the end, no matter what he might think at first. He'll be glad Jared didn't stick around eventually.

He washes his hands and flips the light out, nearly jumping out of his skin when he catches the figure in the living room out of his periphery. 

“Jesus Christ, warn a guy,” he growls, clutching at his chest to slow his racing heart.

Jensen doesn't smile. “I could say the same to you.” His eyes dart to the bags beside the couch. “Seriously?”

“You're supposed to be on the road,” Jared answers, squaring his shoulders for the impending fight. It won't change anything. He has to leave.

“You're a fucking coward.”

“Look, I don't expect you to get it,” Jared starts.

“No, because it's not about me, is it?”

“No.” 

It's true. Jensen is the good guy here. Jared's the one who rides out of town in the black hat, the villain who never casts a backward glance at the destruction he leaves. 

Mimicking Jared's stance, Jensen crosses his arms over his chest and huffs. “You are one selfish son of a bitch, you know that?” Off of Jared's apathetic shrug, he throws his hands out and then runs one of them over the top of his hair. “There's a part of me that wants to throw my arms around you and beg you to stay, and another part that just wants to punch your stupid, smug face right now.”

“Look, I know you're mad,” Jared starts again, the calm settling in his chest for the first time in days, maybe weeks. He's doing the right thing here, whether Jensen admits it or not. “But when you have some time to think about it, you're gonna see that all the signs were there, man. This thing with us, it was never going to work. We're just too different.”

“Is that what you tell yourself?” There’s a flare of anger behind his eyes, a spark of something Jared has never seen from Jensen before. “Is that how you make yourself feel better about fucking leaving me in the middle of the night? So you can just walk away without looking me in the eye and seeing how wrong you are? You tell yourself our fucking jobs and our stupid money are the problems? What about how fucking scared you are that this thing with us might actually be worth sticking around for?”

Well, that’s one theory.

Holding his ground, Jared crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. “You don’t understand,” he says, as calmly as he can while his heart is hammering a disjointed rhythm against his ribs.

Squaring his shoulders, Jensen narrows his eyes, sending a chill down Jared’s spine. “You are not as mysterious as you think you are.”

Jensen’s absolutely right: this is why he leaves in the middle of the night. This kind of interaction is exactly what he’s trying to avoid. He didn’t need Jensen to show up and tell him that he was getting too close, that he’d already started to feel something. He knows that. It’s why he has to go.

Unexpected emotion catches in his throat when he says, “Jensen, I can’t stay.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because this isn’t me!” Jared explodes, his voice shaking as he leans against the side of the recliner for support. “I’m not the guy who has roots and gets trapped in the same fucking place every day for the rest of my life. “

Jensen's eyes widen in surprise at Jared's outburst. “Wow,” he says on a low whistle. “You are really narrow-minded, huh?”

“How does keeping my options open make me narrow-minded, Jensen? Huh?”

“Man, you're a human being, not some house pet. Nobody's putting you in a crate or keeping you chained in the backyard.” He takes a tentative step forward. “I leave this place all the damn time. Yeah, I come back to it, but there's no electric fence around the city limits or anything. You can come and go and you please, ya know?”

Admittedly, Jensen has a point. It's just not a point that Jared likes all that much. “The thought of having a home, something permanent like that, makes my skin crawl,” he confesses. 

“So stop running for a second and think about it,” Jensen deduces with a shrug, as though this is some dance Jared used to know the steps to, but forgot over time. “Think about why you started moving around in the first place. Is that still who you are, still what you want? Or is it what you've convinced yourself that you're supposed to want?”

“Who are you, Tony Robbins?” 

Raising a critical eyebrow, Jensen asks, “Who are _you_ , 1995?”

A snort escapes before Jared can rein it back in. “Jensen, I-,”

“No,” Jensen interrupts, holding one hand out. “I'm going away for the weekend. If you're gonna go, then this is goodbye and it sucks.” He blinks watery eyes and shakes his head. “I really hope you're still here when I get back.”

That's it. He presses a soft kiss to the corner of Jared's mouth and gently squeezes his shoulder before turning on his heel and walking to the door.

“Where'd you decide to go?” Jared asks, cursing the wrecked timber of his voice. If this is the choice he's making, he has to do it with confidence, even if he doesn't feel it anymore.

Jensen doesn't look back. “I don't know. I'm gonna drive until I find some place that feels right.”

_Here. Here with me. It's right here._

The thought punches Jared so hard, he nearly doubles over as the door whispers shut with a snick behind Jensen. His pride rises up to fight back, to remind him that this is how it goes, that he's his own man and doesn't need Jensen or anyone else to be happy. It argues that he'd regret staying eventually, that he'll just resent Jensen in the long run if he sticks around any longer. It tells him to sack up and be a man about this.

He grabs his suitcase and pockets his keys, tearing out the door to find that Jensen is still sitting in the driveway, white-knuckling his steering wheel as he stares out the windshield, into the vast plains that surround Jared's house.

Pride collapses in defeat when Jared yanks the passenger's side door open and tosses his bag into the bed before climbing into the cab of Jensen's truck. 

Jensen shoots him a disbelieving look and Jared just shrugs. “I was already packed, so what the hell, right?”

Exhaling in stark relief, Jensen guns the engine and casts a look over his shoulder. He backs out of the driveway and floors the gas, speeding toward the low-hanging moon in the distance. “I'll tell you one thing,” he finally says, reaching across the console to punch Jared's thigh. “You ever try to leave my ass in the middle of the night again, I will come after you and I will find you. You won't like what comes after that.”

Jared just rolls his eyes, lets himself feel the panic bubbling with the excitement and anticipation of a new challenge in his gut, before he says, “Big talk, little man.”

He relaxes into the soft leather seat and settles down for whatever new adventures this strange trip might bring.


End file.
